Practicing Kindness to Self
Written by Andy Hume
Despite the beauty industry’s efforts to create a body-positive movement, there remains a dissonance between real bodies and ideal, to the point that many women still avoid certain activities, ambitions and clothes because of the way we look. Or, more accurately, the way we think we look.
We spend most of our lives clinging to insulting false opinions we’ve made about ourselves. How can we stop this and start feeling brave and beautiful in our own skin?
“We can absolutely change the way we think and speak to ourselves—starting right now,” says Kjaer Weis Founder Kirsten Kjaer Weis. “I believe energy can be nourishing or toxic, and it has a real effect on our wellness.”
Weis points to the work of a Japanese doctor of alternative medicine, Masaru Emoto, who claims that human thoughts have a dramatic physical effect on water. This is significant because75 percent of all biological tissue, including the body, is water. Emoto claims to be able to make water crystals form in a healthy state with nothing but encouraging words and emotions, classical music and positive prayer. Negative words and emotions, as well as irritating music conversely created crystals that appeared decayed or unwell. “His experiment is perhaps proof of how important it is to speak kindly to yourself,” Weis says. “It’s a fascinating concept and I experience it working on the plants in my home and garden.”
Weis reminds us that during our brief sojourn on Earth, we need our bodies more than they need us. They are vessels for which we experience energy and pain, love and joy. They are the experience of our being and they have immense power. “Your body is intricate and delicate with every part working seamlessly together to give life. When we have gratitude for this vessel, we cultivate joy. We would be wise to take our cues from children who are not yet old enough to doubt themselves,” Weis says.
An unforgettable video, Comfortable: 50 People 1 Question, asks adults and children what they would change about their bodies, if they could only change one thing. The adults answer immediately, having trouble picking only one. The kids have to think harder, and their answers are imaginative and uncorrupted—brilliant, really. They want wings to fly, a mermaid tail, shark teeth, teleportation superpowers, legs like a cheetah and then the kicker—“I like my body, actually.” Weis says this experiment implies ‘flaws’ are nothing but a social construct, as many standards we struggle with tend to be. “We usually grow up feeling whole until someone makes fun of the way we look or we see repeated imagery that does not look anything like us,” Weis adds.
Our culture of comparison breeds dissatisfaction as the very thing destroying our collective psyche since the 80s—image retouching as an example—is something that now rests in our own hands. “It is so tempting to lean into the perfection trap. We are no longer just up against celebrities and models but our own filtered selves. Add to this equation the devastating remarks strangers drop in the comments. Social media can be very toxic. Being stuck at home on quarantine with nothing to do but reach for an Instagram account did not help anyone’s mental health,” Weis says.
The Kjaer Weis brand believes women are more than enough with everything they are, and aspire to use models of all ages and ethnicities with minimal retouching to drive this message home
“If you don’t feel so great about yourself for whatever reason, you can start small to turn things around. Make this mission personal. Let the love in and accept compliments gracefully. Ditch the self-deprecating humor. Avoid comparison at all costs. Say nice things to yourself. Dress up, invest in a routine you love, catch some restorative sleep, get a massage. Stretch, nourish, hydrate, love.”
“As things get more chaotic around us, it’s important to find ways to make your body your sanctuary, your safe place, not your enemy. This means taking care of yourself as if you are the only you that ever will be,” Weis says.
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